Mushu:

One of the side effects of rich people's boredom is the act of carelessly discarding animals who have either served their purpose or are no longer deemed cute. Mushu, a bearded dragon of Australia, may or may not be one of these unfortunate creatures; it has yet to be seen. But what can be deduced is this: due to the absence of a left hind leg, Mushu, was deemed ugly, unfit, unsuitable for the son/daughter/giraffe of a bored rich person. Hence, as is the American way and in the more "humane" way to discard an animal, he was placed in the hands of one of those dangerous young people we see so often on the 9 o'clock news wearing bandanas, saggy pants, and shooting Iranian gas station owners.

His name was John (See picture for reference . . . and after referring; remember it and grow to loathe it).

Though friendly in manner, the amount of time spent at a particular coffeehouse eating scones and drinking cafe mochi was suspect. He was handed the lizard; a worthy choice? No. Lack of trust prompted my theft. Fortunately, Mushu is safe, but an even darker enemy haunts him: The Landlord. "Pets are not allowed." Thus he has taken to the closet; hiding until my parents can redeem him.

And I, his rescuer live every day in fear of being found out; ba ba buum.

You may applaud me now for my bravery and charitable heart. After which I will be sign autographs and accept various forms of massage (not like that you bloody perverts . . . someone mentions massage and all of a sudden it is sex this and sex that! Pigs.)

Signed with affection,
Clay